forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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