but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
