Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
