I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
