and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
