Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
