By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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