you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
