guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
