This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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