She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
