pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
