he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
