9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
