I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
is wine microwaveable?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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