i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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