My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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