I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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