The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
ok first of all what the fuck
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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