You did not just play the dead husband card again.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
