is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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