I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
