if i died would you start the facebook group?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
