Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
