Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
