if i died would you start the facebook group?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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