Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
