if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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