I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
