We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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