Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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