I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
