So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
