Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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