ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
