Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
