I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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