Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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