I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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