I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
