I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
