i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Your penis caused this!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
