how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
