Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
