My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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