Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
