I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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