Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
