Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
