Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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